I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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