somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
