no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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