I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
