The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
