If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
