Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
