So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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