I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
