Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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