just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
