guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
