Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
