I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
