She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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