i just had sex bonerless
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
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When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
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Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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