Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize