if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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