The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
