when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Randomize
