You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
