I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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