i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
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We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
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I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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Inconspicuously
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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