shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I am puke
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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