Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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