if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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