Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i think my cat just said my name.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
