I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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