we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
