your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
