While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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