One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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