So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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