My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
