I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
