also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
