All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
