Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
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btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
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Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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