It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
