Apparently you make a good broom.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
