you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
