You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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