he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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