So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
