I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
