How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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