don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
