I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
