he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
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I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
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If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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