my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
