I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
