just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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