that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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