Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
