and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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