It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
