I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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