I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
