dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
