Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
