remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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