Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
