glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
